Moms on a Mission: Reclaiming our Calling

Do you long for God to use your life in exciting ways but feel totally stuck in your role as a mom?  No time, no energy, and no consistency made it seem impossible for me to feel like I was doing much more than surviving the day; let alone doing something big for God.  It didn't feel like my gifts or talents fit into the schedules of any of the ministries at church anymore.  It has taken me a looong time to understand my calling as a mom.  There were several failed attempts along the way:

I remember sitting at a conference when a 20-something got up to talk about her AMAZING call to Africa, where she literally held women’s hands to lead them out of slavery.  I sat there and thought, “I missed out.” I was married, had a mortgage, and was nursing a newborn.  I felt so useless.  I had no freedom to go on an extreme adventure for God.  Maybe I could give some money to this girl who could do exotic and life-changing ministry while I was at home changing diapers.   I thought, maybe that is my boring calling- to be a steward of God’s money to fund people with good callings.

Nope.

I remember driving my car with a gallon size Ziploc bag open under my mouth.  I had one of those “super fun” pregnancies where I literally did not know the moment I would start vomiting uncontrollably, only that it would certainly come.  I prayed that the baby inside of me would be “worth it”.  That God would use them mightily.  I thought, maybe this is my horrible calling- to sacrifice everything to raise up a godly child who will impact future generations.

No Again.

I remember studying the life of David, who was a shepherd and a servant for 32 years before he took his rightful place as anointed king.  I thought, maybe this is my calling- to sit on the sidelines for a season of servanthood so that some day in the distant future I will be humble enough to accept my REAL calling that will be beautiful, exciting, and involve leadership.

Wrong.

Our calling is never someone else’s calling.  It’s not even our children’s calling. We are definitely not called to sit around and do nothing until some giant opportunity we aren’t even preparing our hearts for magically presents itself.  We are called as moms to the same ministry as every other daughter of God.  To make disciples (Matthew 28:19) and to bear fruit (John 15:1-2). 

Stop for a minute.  If you feel like you can’t live a joy-filled, powerful life for God as a mighty and impactful force in his kingdom while you are nursing a baby every 3 hours, chasing a toddler, or driving carpool- then pray with me.

“God.  I want to follow you.  I feel stuck.  Show me the calling you have for me that is supposed to be uniquely mine.  That will fill me with purpose and joy and change lives for your glory.  Amen”.

Now read with me. 

1 Corinthians 13:1-3 “If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging symbol.  If I have the gift of prophesy an can fathom all mysteries and knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move the mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.  If I give all I posses to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.”

Or to paraphrase: If I can teach like Beth Moore, but don’t have love- it’s meaningless.  If I live like Francis Chan or Bob Goff, and give everything to the poor, but don’t do it in love- it’s meaningless.  If I go to Africa to save orphans like Katie Davis, but don’t have love- it means nothing.

It is not about how big or different or radical we can make our adventure for God.  It’s not what we do or how many people we get to show up somewhere or listen to us that makes our work for God powerful, important, or meaningful- it’s LOVE.

Why? 1 John 4:8 “Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.”

Because God is love.  His Spirit of love is what makes us different from the world around us.  His Spirit is the breath, and life, and power of any meaningful, powerful, interesting calling we could ever hope to answer.

We have all been gifted in different ways.  All of our life experiences and talents and personalities coupled with supernatural abilities that God’s Spirit gives us lead us to do and to love to do different things. 

Romans 12:3-8 “For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.”

We each have different gifts, and some are even more gifted than others. You may not ever have someone else’s gift, calling or ministry…but you do have yours.  There is no room for jealousy here.  When you turn your nose up at your gift or your calling, you are insulting the giver of both. Always use your gift at every opportunity in love (1 Peter 4:10) and realize you may not be ready for more at this moment in time- “Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought.” 

Did you know that your gift was given to you by Jesus Christ?  He is so wise, and he gave it to you thoughtfully.  He gave it to you specifically for a VERY important reason:

“to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.”- Ephesians 4:12

Our gifts were meant to cause UNITY and maturity, never jealousy or discontentment.  We are all supposed to work together as a single team, like one body, to reach the fullness of being like Christ.  Judging from the church today, I’d say we are not all using our gifts in love.  Let’s change that, starting with us.

Join in the Mommas Revolution.  Don’t look at the four walls around you as a prison, make your home a temple for the presence of God and his Holy Spirit.  Love your husband and kids in a sacrificial way that displays the glory of God’s character to everyone who knows you (1John 4:12).  Be thankful for your calling and the space God has carved out for you to use your gift.  It is the perfect size for you, your faith and your gift at this moment (Psalm 16:6). 

What would happen if instead of wishing you were in charge, you used your momma eyes to look around and see who needed a little encouragement?  If instead of standing on stage looking into a backlit crowd of shadowy silhouettes you let yourself sit in the back and be sensitive to the Holy Spirit and took notice of who was insecure, hurting, doubting, or learning and took a chance to love them?  If instead of having your headshot on a popular blog or book cover, you just let that pretty little face of yours be approachable to all the other moms on the playground, with no makeup, picking up screaming kids from the nursery or sneaking a third cup of coffee?

Love would happen.  Grace would happen.  You have your gift.  You have the Holy Spirit to teach you how and show you when to use it.  THAT is your calling. To use your gift RIGHT NOW, in love, to make disciples and bear fruit.

Girls.  God does have a dream for our lives.  It’s a big one.  It’s beautiful and it is custom fit to our hearts, passions, weaknesses and strength.  He has had it in mind from the time he created us, called us, and everything he has been teaching us along the way.  I wish you love and joy and peace as you learn to listen to him and walk in the true passion of your spirit to HIS GLORY.

More Loving than Thou

Holiness has much less to do with perfection than we think.  Nowhere does God say that the goal of the Christian life is to "not sin".  Holiness NEVER looks like finger wagging condemnation, distanced relationships, judgement, shame, guilt, hypocrisy, or nit-picky over-the-top controlling rules and regulations.  If you've been burned by "holy" people, or feel like holiness is not worth your heart, keep reading to discover true holiness- which looks and feels like God's LOVE and power.

Holiness simply means that as followers of God, we are different from people who don't follow God.

When we look at the Bible, it is very clear that we are not different because we are "perfect", but because we have God's spirit (Ephesians 1:13, 2 Corinthians 1:21-22) and it is the primary force that drives our actions and attitudes (Romans 8:5-9).  God is love, and if we are followers of God we are set apart from this world not by our high moral standards, but by our LOVE (1John 4:7-8, John 13:35).  The holy spirit is not an annoying conscience that we can push to the side when it tries to keep us from watching bad movies.  It is a raw force of the universe whose power transforms lost causes, revitalizes melancholy hearts, and always acts in heroic and sacrificial love.

If being Holy looks like God's spirit acting through us, then being holy looks like love and the Holy Spirit.  Less like being "perfect" and more like:

• Forgiving people who don't deserve it.
• Not letting jealousy or bitterness ruin our relationships.
• Being humble and not having to be "right".
• Serving other people even if it means we can't do something for ourselves as a result.

Holiness doesn't have to look like this,

It looks a lot more like THIS.

Holiness has nothing to with us "quitting sin".  It has everything to do with us deciding to live in a way that is led by God's spirit of LOVE.  Even though everyone who believes in God and follows him has his spirit in their life, we all know it doesn't always feel or look that way.  How do we unleash this powerful spirit that fills our life and transforms the world around us?  God says the best way is through obedience (1 John 5:2-4).

We don't stop sinning to GET holy, we stop sinning because we ARE holy.

I saw a documentary on the vegan lifestyle (I was not converted, but still impressed).  They were explaining how making the transition off of processed foods is really challenging, and your body truly needs to "detox".  They recommended NOT going cold turkey, if you try to go vegan by "giving up" foods you love you will fail every time.  Instead they said to slowly just add more vegetables into your diet.  As you do that, you experience the energy and health that come with it and slowly the vegetables just naturally push the junk food out.  So in theory, instead of clinging to your Cheetos bag, you won't even want it any more.  That's really how holiness and sin work.  We are all clinging to our little addictions or habits, and letting go feels impossible and honestly undesirable.  But the closer we get to God, the more natural obeying him will feel.

Getting closer to God can feel intimidating, and it's hard to think of all the changes you would need to make for a spiritually "healthy" lifestyle.  It doesn't have to be overwhelming, he is closer than you think.  He is ready and waiting to do all the heavy lifting (Matthew11:28-30).  Unlike all those times I have tried and failed to "get in shape", I'm not alone on my spiritual journey.

My relationship with God is driven far less by my own will power than by His grace.  

And as hard as it may feel to take the first step, Holiness is truly God's plan to make us HAPPY.  It will be worth it.  If you're up for the adventure, here's some simple ideas of how to get started "eating your veggies".

Practical Tips for a Spiritual Detox:

• Ask God to help you  Tell him you want to spend more time with him and learn his wisdom.  Admit that you will give up quickly on your own.  Ask for his voice of encouragement and love to strengthen you. (Hebrew 13:20-21, James 1:5-7, 2 Peter 1:2-4)
• Read your Bible everyday  (Romans 15:4, 2 Timothy 3:16-17)
• Start with just a verse of the day, it will take you less than 5 minutes to read.  
• Work your way up to 15 minutes a day when you are ready.  This should cover about a chapter a day.  Start with a small book like Ephesians or James, it will feel good to finish it in less than a week.  
• Spend some time reading through a gospel, like John, it's a great way to get to know Jesus as a person.
• Pray
• Start with asking God to be present in your journey to get closer to him.
• Move on to being thankful.  Give god credit for at least one thing you are thankful for and praise him everyday, even if it is combined with a simple mealtime prayer at first.
• When your heart is ready.  Ditch your baggage.  Confess the things that have been keeping you far from God and ask for his help to claim your victory over your addiction to sin. (2Timothy 2:21)
• Choose who you listen to
• You will be listening to God through prayer and reading his word, but this world is a noisy place.  Choose some of the other messages that come into your brain wisely.  Consider listening to classical or Christian music, thinking critically about the movies and TV you watch, and trying to make as much in your life consistent with hearing God's voice as possible.
• Get in the real world
• Make sure that you are getting the right support for your journey to get closer with God in a solid Christian community at a church or with Christian friends who are encouraging you. (Hebrew 10:24-25)
• God's spirit will transform your heart, don't let it stop as a personal experience.  Practice the same  love and forgiveness you are experiencing with the people around you.  Either through volunteering to help your community or by taking a step to let God heal a broken relationship you are holding onto by forgiving and reconciling with someone.

John 13:34-35 "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

May God's love guide, protect and strengthen you on your adventure!

For the days Motherhood feels like unwashed laundry, dirty dishes, and coffee that isn't working.

My little girl had her dollie cradled in her arms.

She rocked her back and forth, making a strong shushing sound right in her ear.  She reached for the empty plastic bottle and put it up to her doll's lips.

"Is the baby tired?" I asked.

"Yes."

"Are you..."

I was interrupted by a "Shhhh."  Olivia then made a snoring sound, the kind we make when I am pretending to be a sleeping princess and she wakes me up with a kiss (or the other way around).  She wanted to let me know the baby was sleeping, and- come on mom- to be quiet.

She turned her attention back to her dolly and looked into her eyes intently, so tenderly.  She started to hum.

My heart beamed to the point of bursting.

She has seen me do this a million times, with her and with her little brother.  I quietly handed her the little blanket and she finished putting the baby to sleep.

"Olivia", I told her, "I love you.  I am so proud of you.  When I see you taking such good care of your baby I know that you have a loving heart.  It shows me that you are so kind, and that makes me very happy.  I can tell that you have been watching me.  You are so smart!  You remember everything you saw me doing when I put my baby to bed- and you are doing such a good job being just like mommy!"

I gave her a big hug!

And then I got chills.

Because for a moment, I heard God whisper "I feel the same way about you, sweet baby girl.  I'm so proud of you when I see you loving your babies.  It tells me a lot about your heart.  Keep learning from me.  I love you."

This simple act, mommas, of rocking our babies, of late night tears (theirs and ours) of all that is entailed on the journey of mothering- is truly an act of love.  Our daddy is so proud.

1 John 4:11-13
Dear friends, if God so loved us, then we also ought to love one another.  No one has seen God at any time. If we love one another, God resides in us, and his love is perfected in us. By this we know that we reside in God and he in us: in that he has given us of his Spirit.

Here is a younger Olivia quietly shushing all of her dollies and moving them out of her room to all go to sleep together on our couch. 

Confession: Flint slept on the couch behind a bank of pillows for much of his early life (he loved falling asleep around everyone).  So that's just where Olivia thought babies took their naps :).

Listen

"Listen".

My fingers draw back from the keyboard, my eyes close, my back relaxing and head tilting up.  This simple writing prompt feels more like a command after a rare hour where I have had time to write.

Typing is noisy.  So many thoughts in my head begging to be organized on the screen.  So many voices and stories echoing through my thoughts, either validating the truths, questioning my assumptions, or laying colored lenses and perspective onto every choice of word, every conviction, every vulnerable confession.

My laptop listens to me.  It repeats back my sentiment on it's screen to check that it understands.  It doesn't.  My words fail me.

***

#FiveMinuteFriday

*This is a creative writing exercise I participate in with a beautiful community of women bloggers.

3 Unexpected Reasons Holiness can make you Happy

Buck naked.  Flat on my back.  For like...forever.  Looking in the corners of the ceiling suspiciously for hidden cameras.  The most awkward doctor's appointment I have EVER been to.  Ever.  And I've had 2 kids.

I thought getting my moles checked would be like when you get a massage and they have the warm blanket over you and they uncover your arm and then cover it, then uncover your leg, then cover it.  It's not.  Having an elderly woman with lipstick on her teeth (and unevenly on her lips) tell me about skin cancer, wearing my sunscreen, and warning signs for mole growth while walking slowly around my naked body was...mmm...off-putting.

Then she hands me a brochure about sun protection.  The cover is a woman out hiking in the sun who is covered from head to toe.  Long sleeve windbreaker, long pants, huge safari hat with a neck flap.  It was the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen.  I left it there.  But picture something like this:

I'm sorry.  I'm sure that is a GREAT way not to get a sunburn, but seriously...is that really necessary?!

Is that how you feel about holiness?

I mean holiness is a great way not to get in trouble...but isn't it extreme?  Like these guys swimming fully clothed with their dumb hats on?  Won't most of us be okay just putting on our sunscreen and drinking plenty of water?

Here is the secret that Satan has been great at keeping all these years:  Holiness is not judgmental, extreme, conservative, old fashioned, hypocrisy, or legalism.  Real Holiness can actually make us extremely happy!  

Here are 3 ways.

1.  Holiness is our CALLING.

1 Peter 1:15-16 "But as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in your conduct, because it is written, "Be holy, for I am holy".

My kids are still really young, but I will admit that I fantasize about them someday saying, "I want to ____, just like you mom!".  Whether it's writing, serving, studying, cooking...anything!  Isn't emulation the highest form of flattery?  Our father DELIGHTS in us when we say, "Daddy, I want to be holy just like you!"  It is the absolute core of who God is, on a completely different plane than hobbys, sports or talents.  Can you imagine how painful and disrespectful it is when we say holiness is not worth our time or effort?

We are adopted children of the king.  You know what is beautiful about our new place in our family?  Although we couldn't have been any more different that our father and big brother at the time of our adoption, over time, we start to resemble them more and more.  There is a family identity as a child of God and we are invited to participate in it!

God's Holy Spirit lives in us (Romans 5:5, Galatians 4:6, Ephesians 1:13).  God is love, and for us to  be able to hear his spirit, love him and others, and truly be holy or "set apart" as his children we have to obey him. (1John 5:2-4, John 15:12-14).  Obedience, or holiness, is how we respond to the Spirit of God's love and truly experience our calling as His children.

2.  Holiness gives us FREEDOM.

Romans 6:14 For sin will have no mastery over you, because you are not under law but under grace.

Does holiness feel restrictive?  There is an amazing truth waiting for you in God's word.

You know what is restrictive?  Sin.  Ugh.  It's packaged to us like fun times and cool kids and marketed by Satan like cigarettes- but it's death.  Anxiety, depression, loneliness, addiction, aimlessness, angst, bitterness, victimhood, broken relationships...sin is a disaster waiting to happen.  During different seasons don't we all feel powerless before our own tempers, sex drives, or other cravings?  You may not be in a dark place at the moment, but the result of sin is always death.

In Romans 6 Paul draws the line.  You are either a slave to sin or a slave to righteousness...there are no free men.  Holiness can feel like slavery to righteousness (2 Corinthians 5:14)...but it's actually freedom from sin!  You don't have to be stuck in the cycle of meaningless, broken, defeating sin.  Ditch the baggage.  Just stop what you are doing.  Tell God and anyone else that you need to that you are sorry.  Decide to be different- to love others, to learn the truth, and to follow God.  You will be amazed at the transformation and freedom that the Holy Spirit will bring to your life.

3.  Holiness produces JOY!

John 15:10-11 If you obey my commandments, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father’s commandments and remain in his love. I have told you these things so that my joy may be in you, and your joy may be complete.

Did you hear that?  These "commandments" from Jesus aren't mean to make us miserable...they are designed to protect and deepen our relationship with God so we can experience complete JOY!  Here's the truth about sin. It separates us from God.  When we let sin into our lives and refuse to deal with it, we are letting distance come between us and God.

Satan would love to claim your soul, but he'll settle for your life.

We can't have an intimate relationship with God if we are still sneaking time with our ex-master on the side.  The distance grows and grows.  When we are far from god we can't hear him speak love into our lives, his wisdom seems so hidden, his strength inaccessible, and our will to follow him and his power to change our lives and use us to affect the lives of everyone around us isn't there.  We don't even realize what we are giving up!  The immediate pleasure is not worth the ultimate gift that came at the ultimate price (1Peter 1:13-20, Pastor Andy Wood says more).

Just say no.  No to mediocrity and YES to holiness with all of it's purpose, freedom, and joy.  Chasing after God and trying to obey him by learning the Bible, living in christian community, and obeying the voice of the Holy Spirit inside of you is the only way to truly live.  

Check out my other post "5 Ways to Know if it's a Sin" to think more if there is something in your life that may be keeping you from the happiness of holiness.

How to Survive a Family Vacation in 5 Easy Steps

We just came home from our first ever family vacation with our two kids under two. We had SO MUCH fun, but it was so much work.  In case you are planning something similar, here's 5 lessons I learned the hard way.

1.  Play "Expectations Limbo"- How low can you go?

A whole week.  With my man undistracted by work and my kids giggling and discovering spectacular things they've never experienced before in their short little lives.  What could be better?!  I looked forward to it for months...which is basically asking for disappointment.  I brought a book and bubble bath and the stuff to give myself a pedicure "after bed time".  None of those things saw the light of day from my suitcase.

I felt guilty sidestepping the "how was it?!" question from a dear friend when I got back.  How ridiculous is it to complain about a weeklong vacation?  But she's been there and taught me: "If it's time away with only your husband, it's a vacation.  If it's time away with the kids, it's a trip."  Wise words.

2.  Wherever you go, there you are.

Here's the thing, this is "vacation" not the twilight zone.  Unless you are traveling with someone or to somewhere that provides childcare you are still on the hook for feeding, naptime, bath time, bed time, sick kids and night wakings.

Life is tough with young kids.  At home (a childproofed, familiar place) I have a hard time getting to the grocery store.  I'm not sure why I thought that going to Disneyland, Sea World, San Diego Zoo, and Coronado beach all in the same week seemed reasonable.  You know, sandwiched between an 8 hour drive on either end.  Next time I am going to focus more on family time and less on family attractions.

3.  Repeat after me: "My husband is a wonderful man."

The best and worst part of family vacation was expecting to have quality time with my hubby and getting family time instead.  He wasn't distracted by work but we were both distracted by the kids.  Mike and I almost never fight, he is my hero.  I was so sad when we got in a fight (even a small one) on vacation.  Up till now vacation was always a recharge and connect time for us.  Something about expecting to have a ton of fun and ending up with melted down kids, not enough sleep, and an ant infestation in your vacation cottage just doesn't bring out the best in people. 

Take a breath.  Remember how much you love each other (make a list!) be ready to apologize and make up...the fun way.  Meet in the middle, recognizing you are both stressed out and not getting a "vacation" in the relaxing way you are used to.  The truth is, you're in it together- and isn't he so hot when he is loving those kids, spoiling his family, and holding your hand in the middle of a weekday?!

4.  Take turns.

"Family time" is oh so fun...in moderation.  Take turns giving each other a break, or take your kids out for one-on-one dates.  It's fun to mix it up and if one kid is antsy, one parent can go be goofy and silly while the other one stays home to relax during nap time.  It works.  If it's possible to work in a babysitter, DO IT.  

5.  Enjoy the little things.

Forget getting the perfect picture, rushing around to see everything, or the "make the most of it" mentality.  You can make the most of your time not by skipping naps to squeeze in more activities, but by taking it waaaaaaay slower than seems reasonable.  If you aren't so worried about not missing anything, you'll be less likely to actually miss having fun.  Giggle with the kiddos, look them in the eye, don't stretch them (or yourself) too far and remember that "vacation" is going to look a lot less different than real life for a little while.

Hope this was helpful!  Enjoy your trip!  We had a lot of fun on ours...even if it wasn't exactly what we expected.  We did it together and came home blessed and thankful, able to laugh about some of our ridiculous expectations and rookie mistakes.  That's what being a family is all about :).

Comfort

My husband keeps all of his t-shirts for too long.  He won't let me throw a single one away, or make them into a quilt, or hide the tattered ones in the far back corner of the closet.  He is on to my schemes.

Mike does have one old shirt I love.  It comes through the laundry with all the others, but it is still incredibly special every time I fold it.  Thousands of washings have not removed the waterproof mascara on that undershirt, from when I buried my head into his chest that day.  I sobbed so hard.  Dad was dying.  

Mike and I had dated for less than a year, but he was my rock in that valley.  Instead of running away from my brokeness, he ran toward my tears and embraced me.  He gave me a diamond ring under a waterfall and said he wanted me to know that when I cried again and again and again he would be the one to hold me.  He wanted me to know that when my world felt like it was crumbling, he would be solid and constant and strong.  He wanted me to know that he loved me, forever, so he married me.

His arms have been my comfort countless times, always my strong and steady.  He knows God is stronger than both of us, so he has held me tight while he prayed over my pain.  He still lets me use his undershirt as a tissue while he is wearing it, after all these years.  Now I see him hold our children in those same strong arms and I know how lucky they are.  How lucky we are.  That his are the fearless arms that hold us.  I love you, Mike.

***

After Mike proposed under Yosemite Falls we rushed to the hospital to tell dad before visiting hours were over.  It was the first time I couldn't stop smiling in a long time. 

THIS man.  I will always be happy in your arms, Babe.  

 Now he has three of us to hold.  But he is strong enough.  We love you!

***

#FiveMinuteFriday